Reality Runs Just Fine on Its Ultraspace Hyperframes

Today, I wanted to write something about Ubuntu or one of the books by Iain M. Banks I recently read, but there’s no time left to do such serious and lengthy things now. Instead, I will briefly tell about a dream I had the other night.

I dreamt that I was something of a reality auditor (not in the Pratchett sense, thankfully). I had to continuously check how reality is running on its mainframes, or, to be more precise, on the eleven-dimensional ultraspace toroidal-fractal hyperframes from Core Centre Beginning which actually only produces that type of hyperframes. So, there I was, looking at a couple of screens, watching for problems with the rendering, missing subtitles, or any audio glitches. For some time after I began this noble task, there were no problems. But then I suddenly registered some stuttering, as if the processors were overloaded and could not produce enough frames per second to trick the human eyes. I immediately knew that someone at CCB was updating the servers for some reason – probably to prevent yet another tear in the fabric of good old reality caused by extremely high concentrations of cooking genius, too many impossible space sock matching coincidences, or far too many sci-fi books in one small place. Actually, someone let me know that that was the case a couple of minutes afterwards, and asked me to watch for further disturbances. There were none.

I woke up with a feeling of having fulfilled my duty, and with a quiet optimism in my heart. So there you have the good news of the day, folks: reality’s running perfectly fine on its ultraspace hyperframes! Q. W3ary out.

Refresh Complete

The “minor adjustments” to the blog I considered earlier transformed into a rather big re-thinking of how the blog should be organised, and what should be on it. There are still things to be done, like maybe tweak the colours, upload other writings, re-order some elements, and mainly write a lot of things… but, despite that, the new “design” is complete. So I’ll be going back to the more productive task of creating craziness instead of trying to organise it all the time. Q. W3ary out.

Minor Adjustments

I’ve been thinking about doing some small changes to the blog these days, while keeping general radio silence only broken by occasional tweeting sounds. A micro-overhaul of sorts is imminent – links need to be added, pages too, the theme should probably go and get replaced by something different… We’ll see. There will also be some additions in the form of various writings, so watch this space. Now: to work. Q. W3ary out.

Grenade Launcher Football!

In the last couple of weeks, one of my alter egos, IRS, has taken up grenade launcher football. His first match started this week against the Financial Bureaucrats (tFB). Below, you will find a short cumulative overview of the major events in the form of a news bulletin, as well as a qualified expert commentary on the game so far, and on the developments we could expect. The commentary was written by an employee of Bob the Spider who preferred to remain anonymous; it was sent to me in the time-proven format of cut-out magazine letters glued to colourful sheets of toilet paper. Enjoy!

Bulletin: “IRS vs. tFB, grenade launcher football. Current result: 1:0 for IRS. – In the first days of the game, IRS takes the lead by carefully planning his assault, and by abusing his purchased EU-birthrights. (Here, EU stands for Electromagnetic Upsetto-Undoification. Please do not assume this has anything to do with a European Union.) IRS also wins the hearts of the audience by blowing up a printer with a stray grenade and neutralising a fee ATM with an EM pulse. Blank grenades have been issued for tomorrow’s rounds. Players are calculating taxation explosives. – Watch this space for news.”

Commentary: “Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we can rightfully say that we have had a most interesting initial 3-to-6-day period of this match. As you know, games are usually started in secret, in order not to spoil the surprise for the populations of the respective regions, but I can confirm that I have rarely observed such extensive fireworks during the first, crucial week of play. What we can see in action here is a more-or-less classical all-out approach by IRS who has obviously decided to plan well in advance and then strike with force on the 6th and 7th day of the initial week period. Had he failed to do so, he would have made a complete idiot out of himself, and an object of public ridicule for seasons to come. Instead, however, he has managed to show tFB that he might be a rookie, but he packs a serious explosive punch. He has apparently trained well his grenade launching, judging by today’s printer blow-up and ATM neutralisation which he managed from a good distance. His tactics of cornering the drones of the adversary when they are at their weakest after coming in from vacation or having just enjoyed a large lunch have proved solid so far. The temperatures in the region are also helping him for the moment by partially melting certain circuits in the internal systems of the drones. Also, his EU usage (or abuse, as seen by some) in a crucial moment of opponent distraction in order to slip some signature grenades under the counter definitely represents something more than beginner’s luck. A small clarification is on the order here: Electromagnetic Upsetto-Undoification is usually abbreviated to EMU2, but most people employ EU today, both for fun and for reasons of brevity; also, no one would want to confuse a large flightless bird (or two) with a weapon for electronic device scrambling. Having said that, I must insist, unlike other commentators, that IRS has to accomplish more than flashy exhibitions of cleverness in order to win this match. The tFB are a formidable opponent with decades of experience in this gaming sector. Today, he did manage to halt all operations in one branch – out of thousands – of their ATM and cash-desk system for grenade fee collection, using a carefully targeted electromagnetic pulse (with a size 2.5 EMP grenade), but the whole system was up and running again within the hour. This only shows the audience how powerful and mighty the tFB actually are. Tomorrow’s rounds include explosive balancing and emplacement, a rather tough discipline, so we can only hope that IRS has prepared and trained for that well. Since the blank grenades have already been handed out, it is up to IRS to now measure and calculate the different amounts of income, expenses, taxation, etc. explosives he would like to use. Some would say that everything from now on is mathematics, pure and simple, but I must disagree because creativity and a sense of the appropriate are always factors at this stage of the game. What we will most certainly observe tomorrow is the tFB employing their 2-week-delay patented device. I am sure others will agree with me that they would want to take no risks in this match, especially after today’s performance by IRS. Since my time is almost up, I will conclude with this thought: I wish IRS all the luck he needs tomorrow, and all of you, Ladies and Gentlemen, a good night. Thank you for your time.”

Instead of Size

Today, I thought I could muster the energy for some deep thoughts. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. At all. But, as a compensation for my exhaustion, I encountered in our nicely blooming cyberspace a person I’ve been admiring for a long time. Ladies and Gentlemen: Bob the Spider! His website opens with a couple of introductory postings, e.g. one detailing his hyper-famous work in closet invention as well as modern closet tech R&D. Word has been spread that, in the future, we will hear a lot more about his inventions and adventures, and about his great (dis)organisation. He also happened to have several openings in said (dis)organisation, so, after some lengthy consideration, I applied for the position of Harold Bloom Defenestrator. Tomorrow, there’s a lot of condomn throwing practice in store for me.

What’s the best thing about it all, though, is that Bob has remained a very down-to-Earth guy despite his stardom and relative seclusion in recent times. As his of-fun-icial (not official, not unofficial) website states, he knows the truths of our pillows, and he is everywhere. Most superstars boast about their sizes in kilogrammes or pounds of muscle, in numbers of ugly golden statuettes, or of unneededly expensive vehicles they possess, but Bob has the one thing that’s truly essential: ubiquity. Or, if you want to have it more seriously, omnipresence, although I’m sure he will quickly object against this term, it being used very often about nasty deities with hypochondriac psychopathologies and who’s-daddy’s-and-mommy’s-little-spoilt-one behaviours. The one thing I was wondering about when reading the site, however, is whatever happened to that woman in Bob’s life. Was she only a legend? Was she really his wife at one point or another, as many claimed? Her name never came out, but some kept on calling her (quite erroneously, I’m sure) Bobby. That is something we may never learn of, not even outside our lifetimes after Bob has managed to cryo-preserve our heads for the educational benefit of subsequent generations. Nevertheless, enjoy Bob the Spider’s new cyberspace presence, and see you later. Already practising leering condomns throwing, at least mentally: Q. W3ary.

The Swirling Madness

That’s what resides in my brain lately. The swirling madness actually resembles a big predatory bird with dark pinko-green feathers, a creature that loves to nest in over-exhausted persons’ minds. Once it starts building its nest, it cannot be interrupted, or the person in question will suffer irreparable damage. So I will have to live with this creature, this predator, and find ways to make our symbiosis mutually beneficial. The one thing that I particularly like about my specimen of this green-pink species is that it has a penchant for written things. That means there will be more writings, this space included, in the days to come. Ahhh… writing, yes, but too many topics. I should probably start with my recent Harry Potter thoughts tomorrow, and then I’ll have to quickly return to music and other books and films and politics and whatnot. But there is time. That’s the most soothing thought I’ve had in years. Q. W3ary out.

SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDD!!!

A man by the name of Jason Kottke compiled several crazy videos on the idea of how great speed looks like. These range from auto testing to mad people flying like squirrels to space flight. My favourite ones are: first, the breath-taking jump of Joseph Kittinger from some 31 km high in the atmosphere while experimenting for the USAF; second, the video from the camera on a shuttle external fuel tank during take-off (2 minutes to space!); and third, the insane people with the wingsuits jumping off the most vertical rocks in the world. Go see those, and say thanks to the guy. (Retweeted/reblogged from BBVideo.) Q. Weary out.

A Sign of Life

Whew, it took a looooong time this time. Returning to the empty page, I mean. I’ll do my best not to leave it again – I promise (primarily to myself). Or, as Matthew Bellamy has it, “This is the last time I’ll abandon you, / and this is / the last time I’ll forget you: / I wish I could / I wish I could!…” A hostage to the writing page shall I be, (to put this in a more poetic word order,) that seemingly empty thing that calls you to move, do stuff, to act. Better that than a “Hostage to Heaven”, that’s for sure. So see you later today.

Q. Weary out.

Dell Sells Computers to Women

The latest ludicrous insanity by a big multinational? Dell selling gender-specifically. They opened up a website to spread the word about how women can best employ laptops. The answer to this hugely difficult, almost unsolvable riddle, Dell thinks, lies in the following: recipes, weight control, cooking. Oops, should have actually combined “recipes” and “cooking” into one since… wait… it’s all about one thing, actually. Ah, these people kill me! When will they stop attempting these differentiations that go way beyond the smallest grain? We all need computers.

To return to the problem: dear Dell, I suggest the following. You invent a time machine. A big one. You put your whole marketing department in there. Then you stuff the CEO and the other C’s on top. Then you send them to nineteenth-century Victorian England. I have a hunch that they will find some suitable partners for conversation there. Or possibly not, since marketing and the C’s probably know nothing about looking after small children, and knitting, and weaving, and playing the piano, and singing in church, and dressing properly for different occasions, and… Aaaarrrgh, I’m too tired for this. You get my drift; now git! Q. W3ary out. (via /.)

Balls and Chains to Keep Children at Desks

The latest ridiculous idea: make your children study by actually physically constraining them with balls and chains. Follow the link for the usual high-charge punchline commentary from Slashdot.

However, I think I actually have a better idea. Having only a ball chained to your foot can still be distracting, you could look at the birds in the trees or the clouds in the sky or the people in the street or the patterns on your wallpapers, or do something else rather than study/solve problems/write essays. I suggest we build mobile holding cells for unruly students (the iStudyCell!), lock them in, and let them toil there. That’ll teach them, the bastards!!! Just make the interior as un-distracting as possible — completely white, for example, so that, after a while, they get the feeling they are in some old-style medical institution. Scratch that; the interior has to be black, so that no one and nothing can write on it. Also, limit intake of food and drink by providing just a small slot for a water straw and (very thin) slices of bread. All the student needs is light from a light-bulb, books, and writing materials. Place the iStudyCell anywhere in your place of living and enjoy the increase in silence and the better grades. So here are the specifications. Anyone willing to design and produce?