Grenade Launcher Football!

In the last couple of weeks, one of my alter egos, IRS, has taken up grenade launcher football. His first match started this week against the Financial Bureaucrats (tFB). Below, you will find a short cumulative overview of the major events in the form of a news bulletin, as well as a qualified expert commentary on the game so far, and on the developments we could expect. The commentary was written by an employee of Bob the Spider who preferred to remain anonymous; it was sent to me in the time-proven format of cut-out magazine letters glued to colourful sheets of toilet paper. Enjoy!

Bulletin: “IRS vs. tFB, grenade launcher football. Current result: 1:0 for IRS. – In the first days of the game, IRS takes the lead by carefully planning his assault, and by abusing his purchased EU-birthrights. (Here, EU stands for Electromagnetic Upsetto-Undoification. Please do not assume this has anything to do with a European Union.) IRS also wins the hearts of the audience by blowing up a printer with a stray grenade and neutralising a fee ATM with an EM pulse. Blank grenades have been issued for tomorrow’s rounds. Players are calculating taxation explosives. – Watch this space for news.”

Commentary: “Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I think we can rightfully say that we have had a most interesting initial 3-to-6-day period of this match. As you know, games are usually started in secret, in order not to spoil the surprise for the populations of the respective regions, but I can confirm that I have rarely observed such extensive fireworks during the first, crucial week of play. What we can see in action here is a more-or-less classical all-out approach by IRS who has obviously decided to plan well in advance and then strike with force on the 6th and 7th day of the initial week period. Had he failed to do so, he would have made a complete idiot out of himself, and an object of public ridicule for seasons to come. Instead, however, he has managed to show tFB that he might be a rookie, but he packs a serious explosive punch. He has apparently trained well his grenade launching, judging by today’s printer blow-up and ATM neutralisation which he managed from a good distance. His tactics of cornering the drones of the adversary when they are at their weakest after coming in from vacation or having just enjoyed a large lunch have proved solid so far. The temperatures in the region are also helping him for the moment by partially melting certain circuits in the internal systems of the drones. Also, his EU usage (or abuse, as seen by some) in a crucial moment of opponent distraction in order to slip some signature grenades under the counter definitely represents something more than beginner’s luck. A small clarification is on the order here: Electromagnetic Upsetto-Undoification is usually abbreviated to EMU2, but most people employ EU today, both for fun and for reasons of brevity; also, no one would want to confuse a large flightless bird (or two) with a weapon for electronic device scrambling. Having said that, I must insist, unlike other commentators, that IRS has to accomplish more than flashy exhibitions of cleverness in order to win this match. The tFB are a formidable opponent with decades of experience in this gaming sector. Today, he did manage to halt all operations in one branch – out of thousands – of their ATM and cash-desk system for grenade fee collection, using a carefully targeted electromagnetic pulse (with a size 2.5 EMP grenade), but the whole system was up and running again within the hour. This only shows the audience how powerful and mighty the tFB actually are. Tomorrow’s rounds include explosive balancing and emplacement, a rather tough discipline, so we can only hope that IRS has prepared and trained for that well. Since the blank grenades have already been handed out, it is up to IRS to now measure and calculate the different amounts of income, expenses, taxation, etc. explosives he would like to use. Some would say that everything from now on is mathematics, pure and simple, but I must disagree because creativity and a sense of the appropriate are always factors at this stage of the game. What we will most certainly observe tomorrow is the tFB employing their 2-week-delay patented device. I am sure others will agree with me that they would want to take no risks in this match, especially after today’s performance by IRS. Since my time is almost up, I will conclude with this thought: I wish IRS all the luck he needs tomorrow, and all of you, Ladies and Gentlemen, a good night. Thank you for your time.”

Amorphis and the Skyforger

The Finnish epic poem Kalevala has been known to me for a long time. Although I unfortunately haven’t had the time to read it, its creation and nature remain something very intriguing. That’s just one reason my fingers were itching to get onto Amorphis’s newest, Skyforger (which was released at the end of May in Europe). The album retells parts of the storylines contained in Kalevala, focusing mainly on the viewpoint of the blacksmith maker-creator, Seppo Ilmarinen. I, for one, did not expect such emotionally engaging power from this album, but having heard it a thousand times over now, its strength seems to me to be growing with every subsequent listening. This was just reinforced when my sister, who has read (most of if not all of) Kalevala, told me about some of the stories in the songs.

Of course, Amorphis have based their lyrics often on the epic poem in the past, most evidently in Tales from the Thousand Lakes (1994), Eclipse (2006), and Silent Waters (2007). This time, however, the lyrics resonate much more strongly with me. The first song, “Sampo”, describes the creation of the artifact of the same name which is magically “forged” in fire by Ilmarinen. Its story turns out to be long and full of sorrow, but as with every inception, this one serves well both the characters in the epic poem and the beginning of a captivating musical experience. This emotion of the maker, of the creating person, gets only more and more intensified in the second song, “Silver Bride”. Ilmarinen, as with most god-like creatures, had a wife, but she died after having been cursed by Kullervo for her insults and unfairness toward him. Ilmarinen, often unlucky in love, is left alone. But since he is a blacksmith, the person who has forged the Sampo, and the one who has built the firmament, that dome above our heads, he decides he will forge a woman. So lonely is he, a demiurge with a hammer, and this is what he does: he makes a woman out of gold and silver, a queen for himself. I will not go into detail on the remaining eight songs here – for I do believe that hearing only these two can persuade anyone of the power of Amorphis’s music. For the sake of completeness, however, I must say that several pieces on the album make me leap up and get wild with a feeling of triumph, among those “From the Heaven of My Heart”, “Majestic Beast”, “Skyforger”, “From Earth I Rose”.

The music here is more or less typical of Amorphis, with the frequent presence of their signature tickling and often fully acoustic intros that explode into titanic riffage, band-of-siblings choirs, and sky-high solos. The sounds of piano are to be heard on almost all tracks, sometimes embedded as additional melodies within the riffs. Also, Tomi Joutsen’s voice manages to once again span the whole range between gentlest song, powerful chant, angry shout, and death growl in the moments of highest emotion, energy, empathy. All in all, this is strong stuff for all of us, it is like high-octane musical fuel for the undernourished engines of our time, as few people can produce such combustion matter today.

What all of this makes me think is that I would like to do something similar with my own mythology. I’d like to sit down and rework all those pieces: stories, magical objects, animal characters, heroes, villains, ordinary people; make them all accessible today, visible. However, no one would pay any attention, for the world is mostly interested in the walking of circles now. What we understand as literature and music is very often round-and-around motion: no trajectory, no journey, no change. If there wasn’t for the Force of people like Amorphis, I think we would be spiralling down into a brand new circular oblivion. But then, we might still be doing exactly that, and the power of the amorphous won’t be enough to hold us back and bring us into safety. I cannot tell for I cannot see into the future; no one can: “No one sees what tomorrow knows.” Q. W3ary out.

Instead of Size

Today, I thought I could muster the energy for some deep thoughts. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. At all. But, as a compensation for my exhaustion, I encountered in our nicely blooming cyberspace a person I’ve been admiring for a long time. Ladies and Gentlemen: Bob the Spider! His website opens with a couple of introductory postings, e.g. one detailing his hyper-famous work in closet invention as well as modern closet tech R&D. Word has been spread that, in the future, we will hear a lot more about his inventions and adventures, and about his great (dis)organisation. He also happened to have several openings in said (dis)organisation, so, after some lengthy consideration, I applied for the position of Harold Bloom Defenestrator. Tomorrow, there’s a lot of condomn throwing practice in store for me.

What’s the best thing about it all, though, is that Bob has remained a very down-to-Earth guy despite his stardom and relative seclusion in recent times. As his of-fun-icial (not official, not unofficial) website states, he knows the truths of our pillows, and he is everywhere. Most superstars boast about their sizes in kilogrammes or pounds of muscle, in numbers of ugly golden statuettes, or of unneededly expensive vehicles they possess, but Bob has the one thing that’s truly essential: ubiquity. Or, if you want to have it more seriously, omnipresence, although I’m sure he will quickly object against this term, it being used very often about nasty deities with hypochondriac psychopathologies and who’s-daddy’s-and-mommy’s-little-spoilt-one behaviours. The one thing I was wondering about when reading the site, however, is whatever happened to that woman in Bob’s life. Was she only a legend? Was she really his wife at one point or another, as many claimed? Her name never came out, but some kept on calling her (quite erroneously, I’m sure) Bobby. That is something we may never learn of, not even outside our lifetimes after Bob has managed to cryo-preserve our heads for the educational benefit of subsequent generations. Nevertheless, enjoy Bob the Spider’s new cyberspace presence, and see you later. Already practising leering condomns throwing, at least mentally: Q. W3ary.

The Swirling Madness

That’s what resides in my brain lately. The swirling madness actually resembles a big predatory bird with dark pinko-green feathers, a creature that loves to nest in over-exhausted persons’ minds. Once it starts building its nest, it cannot be interrupted, or the person in question will suffer irreparable damage. So I will have to live with this creature, this predator, and find ways to make our symbiosis mutually beneficial. The one thing that I particularly like about my specimen of this green-pink species is that it has a penchant for written things. That means there will be more writings, this space included, in the days to come. Ahhh… writing, yes, but too many topics. I should probably start with my recent Harry Potter thoughts tomorrow, and then I’ll have to quickly return to music and other books and films and politics and whatnot. But there is time. That’s the most soothing thought I’ve had in years. Q. W3ary out.

Jonas’s Next Game

My good friend Jonas posted a video preview of his next game, Phenomenon 32, earlier today. Although I probably won’t be able to play it because it is a platformer – I am stuck to 3D stuff ever since I played Doom for the first time when I was 11 or 12 years old – I am very much looking forward to its release so I can learn the story from those who are good at this type of game. So go ahead, see the video, enjoy the creepy atmosphere and the tough anticipation he manages to build up, and don’t to forget to give him a shout over at his blog. Q. Weary out.

Pain Of Salvation and “BE” (Chinassiah)

I cannot remember not being.

Think about it. Isn’t that true for you too? Can you remember not existing? This is where BE starts, Pain Of Salvation’s fifth studio offering. Here the word offering seems quite fitting: the album is so tough on the uninitiated that some have condemned it to prog hell for that. It’s as if Daniel Gildenlöw and the other guys wanted not only to write a story about god/goddess and the whole of humanity and also the way we are going down the drain currently, but they also wanted to offer it up to some higher consciousness. It then comes as no surprise that, after hearing the album a couple of times, you are struck by the sheer emotional power they invest in the music, and need answers. That’s when you go to Wikipedia to type in the name of the band; and after you’ve read the article on the album, you feel a wiser person.

Despite this sometimes confusing complexity, the music here cannot be passed by as cold, abstract or simply unrelated to our existence on the Blue Planet. It underscores the main thematic elements of the story in a very unobtrusive but engaging manner. And those elements should be known to us all: money, in the face of Mr. Money, the wealthiest man on Earth; the (slow) destruction of the Earth we are witnessing every day; and the questions of where we came from and where we will go to after we no longer have a planet. I was reminded of the gradating musical explosions on this masterpiece recently, when I listened to the audio release of the live production Pain Of Salvation did in Sweden, their home-country. I should one day see the video of that theatrical reenactment again – it carries the heavy emotional load of the polished studio recording strongly, and manages to bring it across just as well.

What one should not miss on this album are songs like “Imago (Homines Partus)” and the instrumental “Pluvius Aestivus (Of Summer Rain)”; Mr. Money’s pompous banquet moments in “Dea Pecuniae”; the raging sorrow of “Diffidentia (Breaching the Core)”; and the climactic sweep of the apocalyptic ending in “Iter Impius” and “Martius/Nauticus II”. I cannot reveal everything here because this opus is something better experienced, not talked about. So: when you have the time and the strength. Q. Weary out.

SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDD!!!

A man by the name of Jason Kottke compiled several crazy videos on the idea of how great speed looks like. These range from auto testing to mad people flying like squirrels to space flight. My favourite ones are: first, the breath-taking jump of Joseph Kittinger from some 31 km high in the atmosphere while experimenting for the USAF; second, the video from the camera on a shuttle external fuel tank during take-off (2 minutes to space!); and third, the insane people with the wingsuits jumping off the most vertical rocks in the world. Go see those, and say thanks to the guy. (Retweeted/reblogged from BBVideo.) Q. Weary out.

The Kindling Brother

So, did you hear that Amazon silently pulled off books by George Orwell – that is, erased them from the devices – purchased by people for their Kindles? The very nice guys at Amazon did that overnight without informing their customers because the current Orwell publishers/rights-holders decided they don’t wanna no electronic copies of the writer’s books circulating the extremely restricted, even constipated, Amazon Kindle tubes. As usual, I find the commentary republished by Slashdot the best: “Amazon customer service may or may not have responded to queries by stating, ‘We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.’” Q. Weary out.

My Introduction to Tony Harrison

Recently, I wrote (academically) about the English poet and playwright Tony Harrison; while doing that, I had to go through a lot of research and re-discovered a website I’ve visited before but have stupidly forgotten since. It’s called The Poetry Archive, and it hosts recordings of a great number of contemporary writers reading their poetry. Out of the four Harrison poems there, I’d say that two are absolutely required reading: “Timer”, on his mother and her cremation; and “Initial Illumination”, on the silent horrors of war, on the way some people exploit religion to justify and support their wars for wealth and power, on the power of poetry, and on several other things. If you have the time, do read and listen to all four, but do not miss these two. I don’t think I could do any better in talking about Harrison – his poems say much more than I ever could. Q. Weary out.

A Sign of Life

Whew, it took a looooong time this time. Returning to the empty page, I mean. I’ll do my best not to leave it again – I promise (primarily to myself). Or, as Matthew Bellamy has it, “This is the last time I’ll abandon you, / and this is / the last time I’ll forget you: / I wish I could / I wish I could!…” A hostage to the writing page shall I be, (to put this in a more poetic word order,) that seemingly empty thing that calls you to move, do stuff, to act. Better that than a “Hostage to Heaven”, that’s for sure. So see you later today.

Q. Weary out.